Thursday, November 19, 2015

I'm Still Me

I just need to say this to the world and to myself: I'm still ME.
Little things may change, but in the real ways; the ways that count and make up the core of who I am. I'm still ME.
Am I a little wounded and broken hearted? Yes.
Have I found that I have a "dark and twisty" place? Yes.
Do I still giggle, laugh, and act like a silly goon? Yes.
Do I try too hard and have a preference for perfection? Yes.
Do I look for the right thing to do in a situation and do it? Yes.
BUT, I've found that with the dark and twisty places in the hearts of others, doing the right thing isn't always the most popular thing. I've found that people will believe what they want to believe no matter what you say or do. Your words, no matter how honest and pure can still be twisted.

It has shattered my heart to find out those you love will twist those words. Misinterpret those actions. Not even take the time to ask YOU for an explanation. The mis-information of people who are practically strangers will take the place of asking for YOUR truth; to strive for understanding and reconciliation.

I don't know what to do with that. I don't know how to handle it, how to make sense of it, how to find a common ground with people who won't talk to me. I don't know because I'm still me.
Me. Who loves her family with all their quirky-ness and cannot fathom this hurtful behavior.
Me. Who loves her friends as if there were family and misses the intimacy that was once shared.
Me. Who loves her God and is struggling to live out His call in her day to day in the midst of this sadness and hurt.

I'm. Still. Me.
Me. Who will keep on loving, praying, and smiling.
It's just who I am.