Cricket's Cadence

Yesterday I asked you to pray...today I'm asking you to DO.

A friend of mine has a friend who is going through a tough time right now. In order to honor her son, she has put together a neat project for us all to take part in.

Do me a favor and run on over and check it out here. Then, think about how you can honor her son by "Doing it for Cricket". (So you don't get a surprise, before you click over to the site, you may want to turn down your volume...there really ARE cricket sounds on the website!)

Me? I'll do, but I'm also praying for that amazing little Cricket to fool the Doctors completely...I figure he's made it this far, who knows what might happen!?! Wanna pray with me too!?!

Why? Pray.

I'm having one of those "Why, God?" Days. I'm sure you've had them. And this one is weighing heavily on my heart.

Now, we're not going to get into the topic of whether or not I should question God...how since He is the Creator of the Universe He DOES know what's going on. No. We're going to talk about my biggest WHY today...WHY can't they have a baby?

Readers, my heart hurts today for some amazing parents and families that are aching for a child to care for and love. I understand that ache. I felt it before each of my own children...that desire to love and care for another person; to nurture and encourage, to witness a full-on miracle. What I don't understand is why my ache was answered and theirs is not.

WHY couples who would make fantastic parents have been set on a different path? WHY a woman who has given up nearly everything to have a child is walking away with empty arms?

I weep for them. The unfairness rips at me. I feel so unworthy of my blessings. And I pray. That's all I can do...and that's all they have asked of me. These incredible families have asked ME to pray. ME.

I am honored to be asked. And now I ask you...in all the world of things there are to pray for, would you please, today pray for those struggling to have a baby? Pray for them to be strengthened, to be encouraged, for their doctors to know how to help, for their families and friends to know what to say, for the hug to be there when they need it most, that the birth mother would pick them, that the surrogate will pass all the tests...pray that whatever needs to happen WILL happen. Simply pray that their ache would be answered.

From me and from them. Thank You.

You'll Miss This When They're Gone

Have you read this post by about seizing the day with your children on Momastery? If not, you should. And, if I may, I'd like to add a little side commentary. You see, I am already THAT Mom that sobs if I think too much about my kids growing up and leaving the house. Heck, I get choked up when I consider sending the kids to school outside our house!

Despite previous posts, I ADORE my children. Not only because they are my flesh and blood, but because they are great people. I find them interesting and funny. They have good ideas and ask good questions. I like how they smell, how warm their little bodies are, how they ask for an apple as a snack. I giggle when I overhear them playing and grin as I listen to them tell jokes. It makes my heart happy when they use their manners or when I hear them pray. Just writing the reasons I love them is getting me choked up because I have known from the second I saw those two lines on that stick that they would have to leave someday. That each moment wouldn't be spent together. That I wouldn't get to know every second of their day. That at some point I wouldn't be the center of their universe and know exactly what their current favorite color or movie of choice is. Just typing it has my eyes completely blurry with tears.

I don't have to be told that someday I will miss them...I know it all too well. And my Mom (yes, the Wise One) knew it too. Eight years ago when I was pregnant with Finn and was sharing what activities I couldn't be a part of when the baby came she reminded me that, "Someday you'll have all kinds of time to do those things." And I took that to heart. I started a list. So that one day, when I'm sitting here sobbing I won't drown in my own tears!

Here's the list of things that I will do when my children are grown and I don't get to be in their every-days:

1. Join the church choir.
I love to sing, but with 4 little ones and a husband who works in the church on Wed. evenings when the choir rehearses...well, you get the idea.

2. Play in the community band
I tried to do this when we lived in T-town...but again, 2 littles at the time, a busy husband...my flute sits untouched.

3. Practice Piano
I have a lovely baby-grand piano that I taught piano lessons to pay for...and I never get to play. When the kids would leave me be they are asleep...and I need them to stay that way...so I don't play.

4. Read books
Love to Read Month?! How 'bout I LOVE TO READ YEAR?! I LOVE reading books. Alas, I currently read homeschooling books and magazines. Someday...the classics...and not in the bathroom while the kids watch t.v. on the couch with a cup of HOT tea.

5. Finish a cup of Tea while it's hot.
I'm told that this DOES happen for some people...I'm excited. Very excited.

6. Be in Musicals
I recognize I'll be cast as the Granny, but that's okay! I have SO enjoyed being part of musicals...they make my heart soar. Sometime I hope they will again.

7. Visit Friends & Family
This is the one I most look forward to. You know that I am blessed with amazing people in my life...and, sadly, I don't get to see them nearly as much as I like. Heck, I have a friend with whom I've been trying to connect with for nearly a year! One day I'll hop in the car and just drive from friend to friend getting caught up on the last 30 years!

There's more on the list, but it gives you an idea. It is my coping mechanism of how I can even live with the inkling that these little people are not here in my home forever.

AND if this list doesn't get me through, I've started a list of things that I WON'T miss about caring for my little ones. I won't go into it, but let's just say cleaning up bodily fluids from shag carpet is near the top of the list...

What are YOU going to do when "someday" comes?!

Shut It

Here's What....I have the greatest friends.

I know everyone THINKS that (or at least I HOPE they do!) but I really mean it. I often hear about the "drama" people are dealing with in regards to various friends on Facebook and my head spins..."WHAT?! Aren't these people your FRIENDS?!" And I feel sorry for them. I don't have that. At all. Ever. Praise the Lord, right?!

So, about a month ago I when I was actually a tiny bit frustrated with a friend it caught me off guard. I thought, "Hmm...is this me?!" and "What is REALLY bothering you here?" And when I couldn't shake it I called the wisest person I know. My Mom.

I spilled my guts to her about what was bothering me and concluded with, "I guess I should just talk to her about it."

Her response was, "WHY?"

I was baffled. Hadn't she just heard me? I was her DAUGHTER, wasn't she on my side? I grunted, "Huh?"

"Sweetie. What can she do about this? Can she really change what's happening? How is she going to react when you bring it up? How do you think she'll feel knowing you've been upset with her? Is this really a make-it or break-it topic for your friendship? Because if you bring it up, it may hurt your relationship in a way that you can't heal."

I was blown away. Our culture today rarely encourages us to keep quiet. We're told to be empowered, to share our feelings and not bottle things up. Facebook and Twitter are available for us to share absolutely anything that pops into our minds. With hundreds of people. Any time of day. We're living in a world where NOT sharing what's on our minds isn't standard.

But you know what? My Mom was 100% correct.

There was really no other way my friend could have handled the situation based on what she knew and the resources she had.
If I had brought it up, it would have made her feel badly.
And this annoyance and frustration is nothing when compared to all the lovely and amazing things this friend and I have shared.
In fact, as time has passed I look back on the situation and realize I was over-reacting and being selfish in my own desires.

Truly, to keep quiet was the best solution...and one I plan to continue to implement when it is appropriate, because even that tiny taste of one-sided "drama" was too much for me!

Nicely done, Mom.
Nicely done.

Sometimes it Just HITS You

Scene of the Crime:
Church. Sunny Sunday morning.

Precursor:
The kids had been heinous getting out of the house that morning. There were tears about the clothes I made them wear, foot stomping over the fact that I insisted they comb their hair, shrieks at the audacity I had shown in demanding they wear shoes. Outside. In January. In MINNESOTA. It was a rough enough morning that I sent the older 3 across the parking lot by themselves while I sobbed my eyes out in the bathroom while TJ safely played in his crib, unaware of my breakdown occurring in the next room.

I sobbed to God about how frustrated I was. How I couldn't understand how in the WORLD He thought this path of living in an apartment with 4 kids was a good idea. How sad I was that our world was off its axis and I didn't know what to do to make it better. AH! And HOW could I make it better when I couldn't even get my kids out of the house!?! I'm sure you've been there...when the first complaint leads to the next, to the next, to the next.... you get the idea.

I finally pulled it together as I realized I was going to be late for teaching Sunday School...yup. Sunday School. As I gathered TJ and started to walk over, I giggled crazily to myself...ME? Teach SUNDAY SCHOOL? Lead kids to Christ? When I was bawling my eyes to Him just minutes before? Awesome.

RUNDOWN OF THE INCIDENT:
I got through Sunday School teaching just fine. Somehow the same daughter who had spat that she "woved" Daddy more than me was an ANGEL in class...typical. And following classes I herded my brood into the sanctuary for worship. I sat in my chair exhausted and emptied. Then it happened.

The opening prayer.
"Let us be JOYFUL in the path you've given us."

You gotta be kidding.

Then the lessons. WHACK!
Then the sermon. SMACK!
Then the Prayers of the People. THUD!

Every stinkin' one about being joyful in whatever path God calls you too. During the prayers of the people we even asked God to give us an even GREATER desire to do His will! I gotta admit I barely choked it out.

I felt like I'd been slapped. Then kicked. Then whooped over the head with a 2x4.

I wanted to shout, "I GET IT ALREADY! NOW LET ME BE!!!"

Clearly, God knew that I wasn't getting it. So He kept sending me the message and has been working on me these last few weeks to actually MEAN it when I ask Him to make me joyful in His call. To TRUST that He equips those whom He calls...that He will not call us, then leave us. And I'm nearly there. Nearly...

Now, if He could just help me get the kids ready for church on Sunday morning....

What Do YOU Want?

I'm going to be honest. I LOVE reading blogs.
Love, love, LOVE them.
The ones that are super professional, the ones that are really basic, the ones where the woman has only posted three times in her life. Love them. I appreciate these glimpses into other people's lives, opportunities to connect with someone and understand their struggles and join in their joys on this path of life.
I do admit, however, that often when I read blogs I leave with a lot of questions. Like, "When does she do all this blogging? Where are her kids?" or "I wonder what sort of curriculum she uses." "I wonder what she did before blogging." "Where does she get her ideas"...or I want more. I wish that she would provide more tutorials...she has the best ideas! I wish she'd tell us how she took that photo.

So, my question for you is...what do YOU want from Enjoying Motherhood in 2012? Do you need encouragement? Giggles? Projects to do with the kid's? Homeschooling info? Sure, I'm planning to do a mix of those things throughout the year, but, as I've said from the beginning, I'm in this to enjoy motherhood/parenthood WITH you...how can I help you with that?!

Looking forward to your thoughts!
Comment below or send to stacyathope (at) yahoo (dot) com

We're Doing Our Best

Don't you love his face? He is clearly thinking,

"Great. A duct-taped snowsuit. Don't they realize how much harder I'm going to have to work to be cute now? Ugh. I cannot believe you are my parents."

The truth is the next sized snowsuit is in storage. This one is FINE except that the feet fall off. Well, they used to, that is. I'll get to sewing them on; I promise. But for that one night this was what we had to do to get out the door.

I wish I didn't, but sometimes I get down on myself for these sorts of things. For the things I do as a Mom that I wish I didn't....for duct-taping my child's snowsuit together, for skipping baths and just wetting my kids' hair to get it to lay down, for saying, "yes" to pretzels as an option for breakfast because the milk for cereal is gone and Dad has already left for work and I don't want to go to the store with 4 little ones before 7 a.m.; basically for not being the "perfect" Mom. Heck, some days I'd go for "average" Mom status! So often I justify my short-comings with "I'm doing my best!".

But later, when the kids are in bed and quiet has fallen I'll think to myself, "Was it REALLY my best?" And I'll start questioning and cajoling; "You COULD have gotten up before The Spouse left and gotten the milk. You were just being lazy." I know, I know. It's terrible. It's not kind. I'm not being fair.

Sure, we could ALWAYS have done something else...worked harder, stayed up later, planned ahead better. But isn't there something to be said for just letting ourselves do our best IN THE MOMENT...and then learn from the moment?

Every week when I send Kiki into dance class I tell her the same thing, "Have fun and do your best." Those aren't just empty words. I want her to ENJOY what she's doing. I want her to give the activity the best she has to offer that evening. Do I expect perfection? Of course not.

So, why, as her Mother, do I expect perfection of myself?
And, dear Mom's...I have a feeling I'm not the only one who does this. Am I right?

How do we get out of this mind-set? Out of this ideal society has about the "perfect" Mom who has it all together? Sure, we "know" it isn't possible, but don't we all strive towards it anyhow?! Here's my plan...

I'm going to do my best in the moment. I will not strive for "my best when no other factors play into the scenario"...let's face it, schlepping 4 kids to the grocery store to get milk before 7 a.m. is ludicrous...and being in the moment takes those limitations into account.

Then, when the moment is passed I will learn from the moment. I will examine what I should have done differently and make those changes next time. More over, I will remember that my best is not the same as YOUR best, or HER best, or THEIR best...it is MINE and I am the only one I must measure myself against.

Well, I'm off to sew up a snowsuit...sure, he's cute enough to pull it off, but, if I'm being honest, that isn't quite "my best". :)